INTRO

I N T R O
I regretted my decision..
I don’t know if I can ever take back what I’ve done.


I opened my eyes, looked out the window and smiled. The sun is up and about and so am I. Nothing can ruin this day for I’m going to see my 3 year-long boyfriend, Hiro. Of course, I see him everyday but there’s something different about today and I have no idea on what it is.

I readied myself for this event. I brushed my teeth, took a bath, got dressed and prepped myself up. When I was done, I left a note on the kitchen table and I was off to La Vista Park. When I arrived, he wasn’t there yet so I sat down and waited for him. After 1 hour or so, he finally arrived.

“Hey Baby.” I hugged him and kissed him fully on the lips. He smiled at me and gestured for us to sit on the nearby bench.

“What’s up Hiro?” I asked.

“Tanz, I need to tell you something.” He answered. I looked into his eyes and waited for him to speak up.

“This is hard for me to do but you’ve got to understand. Okay baby?” He continued. I just nodded.

“Tanz, I want to break up.” He finally said it. Seconds passed before I spoke up. Maybe my brain was still processing the surprising words that came from Hiro’s mouth.

“Excuse me?!” I retorted.

“I want to break up Tanz. I’ve had enough of this relationship. It’s been what? 3 whole years? Don’t you think we have had enough of each other?” My heart was beating so fast and my throat started to dry up. I didn’t know what to say. It was like my world was crumbling down in front of me and I did nothing.

“I just don’t love you anymore Tanz. Or maybe I never did.” Now he’s telling me that he never loved me? Dang it. My whole body went numb. I couldn’t feel anything. It was like my body was protecting me by locking down my whole system so I wouldn’t feel a thing.

“Tanz, I guess this is goodbye.” And he walked away, without even hearing what I have to say. I let this happen. I made this happen. I kept quiet all the time he was talking and I let him walk away. This is my fault. He’s gone and he’s never coming back. As soon as I realized that, the long awaited tears and an ear-splitting scream finally came.

A Week Later

I stood up and I went straight to the bathroom. My eyes were puffed and it was obvious that I cried myself to sleep. Yeah, I’m still crying over him. I called him a lot of times, hoping that we’ll get back together if I do, but obviously, he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t even answer the fcuking phone. Damn it. I miss him. I love him. I still do.

I went downstairs and I saw my mom’s painkillers on the kitchen counter. I put it in my pajama’s pocket because daddy doesn’t want it lying around. I looked around for my parents but I couldn’t find either of them. It was then that I heard a noise in our guest room. I couldn’t quite hear it clearly but there is definitely someone there. I slowly opened the door and peeked inside. And dang, was I stupid to do that.

What happened inside definitely made me want to throw up. You wanna know what it is?

Hiro was banging my sister. Oh s h i t. He dumped me for s e x. I didn’t want to do it so he turned to my sister who’s all up for the anti-virginity act.

I was outraged. And the next thing I know..

“What the hell?!” I shouted. They stop doing the deed and both looked at me.

“Tanzie, this is not what it looks like.” Oh c’mon, screw that s h i t.

“Then tell me, what am I looking at here?” I questioned. They fell silent.

“Tara, you were there for me when I first cried myself to sleep because of Hiro but all that time, you were the main reason why we broke up? DAMN IT TARA! Screw you! Oh wait, Hiro already did that!”

I walked out. Neither of them followed me. Good. I wanted to be alone. It started to rain but I ran and ran until I reached the village’s playground. Drenched from head to toe, I climbed up a ladder and I went to the shelter of the tree house. I lied down and let the tears pour out. I turned to my side but I felt a hard thing on my pajama pocket. My mom’s painkillers. An idea went through my mind. I took the painkillers out and poured everything on my hand. There were about 30 pieces of painkillers on my hand and I just smiled. They want me out of the way so they can bang all they want? Well fine! I’ll give them their own satisfaction.

I used my right hand to carve a simple message on the tree house wall.

Goodbye. I hope you’re both happy. –Tanzie

It was then that I swallowed the painkillers one by one. And by the time I swallowed everything, I simply lied down and waited until the darkness swallowed me up.

And it did.


-------